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Here are some guide-lines that seem appropriate for most families.
1. Be about when you are needed. Even when a teenager is being most disagreeable he still needs to feel his parents love him and are there to care for him. He may want to fly solo and fly high, but it is nice to know the ground is down there to land on later.
2. Listen as well as advice. Teenagers have points of view which give you insights into their feelings and behaviour. This will help you understand them and will make them less frustrated that their parents don’t understand. Never mind that their ideas seem immature or misguided: sometimes the way to work things out is to talk and to work it out for yourself that way.
3. Provide firm and sensible guidelines for behaviour. Don’t relax your own standards just to accommodate a rebellious youngster. Be prepared to discuss rules and the reasons for them and then make decisions together.
Despite teenagers rebelling against adult authority, and their many complaints to the management, they do respect firm guidelines. If you don’t set high standards, how can you achieve even minimal behaviour?
4. Discuss with your teenager how much help with diabetes care they would like you to give and how much reminding they need from you. You will still be accused of nagging but at least you will have an agreement to work to. You may feel that it is helpful to have your child’s doctor discuss this with you both and act as an independent arbiter if there is disagreement.
5. Trust your teenager. He will probably let you down many times, but that’s part of development. The less you trust him the more he will give you reason not to do so. Giving responsibility is a good way of developing a responsible attitude.
6. Remind yourself of your teenager’s good points and strengths. Don’t dwell on all the bad things which may be so much in evidence.
7. If communication isn’t going well between yourself and your teenager, involve someone you both can trust. Teenagers can still relate to some adults even if they are temporarily rejecting their parents. Perhaps your teenager’s physician can talk to him or a school counselor or youth leader or another relation.
If your teenager is giving you concern and doesn’t seem to be looking after himself, discuss it with your doctor. But take heart; this is usually a temporary phase and often the most rebellious teenager becomes a model of zealous good care within a few years.
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