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MYTHS MEN BELIEVE ABOUT WOMEN: WOMEN WANT TO ROB MEN OF THEIR FREEDOM

admin — Tue, 17 May 2011 15:12:52 +0000

“Once you marry a woman, it’s the ball and chain for you!”"All women want is to tell men what to do until they have no mind of their own left.”"When you make a commitment to a woman, forget about your freedom—it’s history.”Here we have one of the most notorious of the seven myths about women, the one men grumble about when they’re together, the one they intone as the reason they’re not in a committed relationship, the one they use to explain their resistance to going along with what their partner wants. Women just want to enslave men, this myth says. Slowly, bit by bit, women will try to take away a man’s freedom until he is groveling at her feet. Naturally, this horrible fate must be avoided at all costs. How? By not giving in to her and her requests.You can hear the echoes of this myth in the kinds of statements men say to each other in commenting on their relationships with women:”She has you wrapped around her finger, buddy.”"Brother, you are whipped. That woman has her way with you.”"He can’t agree to go with us until he gets permission from his ‘boss,’ I mean his wife, isn’t that right?”All of these remarks send one message to men: If you aren’t careful, your woman will take away your freedom and you will end up weak and powerless.
How do men feel women try to rob them of their freedom? We want men to spend time with us. We want them to talk about their feelings. We want them to let us know they need us. We want them to communicate with us about their schedule and their plans. We want them to show us they love us. We want them to include us in their important decisions. We want them to receive our support and input. We want them to work on staying close and connected.What do all of these requests add up to? Are they tactics women use to manipulate the man we love? Are they secret methods for emasculating him? Are they sinister techniques for making him our slave? NO! They are simply the ways women want men to help us create a committed, intimate relationship.Myth: Women want to rob men of their freedom. Truth: Women want to create a committed, intimate relationship.Here’s the problem: Men often misinterpret a woman’s normal—and I believe reasonable—requests for participation in the relationship as her attempt to rob him of his freedom. They feel that in giving in to their mate on just about anything, even if it’s something as simple as agreeing to call her when he arrives at a destination, or talking about a topic she brings up, or implementing an idea she has, he will somehow be losing his independence. This fear of relinquishing his freedom and his consequential reactivity to her efforts sets up an adversarial and unhealthy dynamic in the relationship:What Women Want Men to Know:When a man has a big issue with proving to himself that he is free, every interaction with his mate becomes a power struggle in which he feels he must come out on top.It’s Sunday morning, and Patty and her husband, Matt, are lying in bed. “What do you want to do today, honey?” Patty asks.”I don’t know, let’s see how the day unfolds,” Matt answers.”But it’s already ten o’clock, Matt, and we agreed that this weekend we’d look for paint colors for the bathroom and check out the sale at the electronics store to see if we can pick up a new fax machine.”"I know how it works,” Matt replies sarcastically. “It starts with a few errands, and before I know it, you’re dragging me into a dozen stores and my day is shot.”"Gee, Matt, all I wanted was to do a few things together, and you make it sound like I’m kidnapping you or something,” Patty says in a hurt voice.”Well, that’s how it feels, like I’m a hostage in my own car, like I’m trapped into a day I didn’t choose.”The conversation ends, and Patty is frustrated and confused. She can’t understand why it’s so difficult for her husband to agree to a simple plan, and why he becomes so resistant to any little request she makes. And how is Matt feeling? He feels successful that he “won,” that he didn’t give in to Patty. Ironically, he actually did want to buy paint and check out the fax machine, but a part of him couldn’t say “yes” to his wife without feeling he would lose something in the process—his sense of freedom.
This is a perfect example of how Myth creates power struggles in relationships. For a man who buys into this myth, even the most insignificant interaction becomes about guarding against what he perceives as threats to his freedom, rather than about cooperating with the woman he loves. When his wife asks him a question, he feels he will lose his freedom if he answers on the spot. When she suggests an idea for how he can handle a situation, he feels he’ll lose his freedom if he goes along with her suggestion. When she tries to make plans, he feels he’ll lose his freedom if he commits.In deference to the women reading this section, we need to stop for a moment and answer the question that’s burning in all of our minds: What the heck is this “freedom” men are talking about? What do they mean when they say they “need their freedom”? Freedom to do what?I’ve spent many years, both personally and professionally, trying to understand this concern for freedom that men have, and I must admit I am continually amazed at how men actually define the experience of being free in regard to their intimate relationships. Guys, as I’ve analyzed it, I’ve come to the conclusion that when you say you want to maintain your freedom, you mean the following:Freedom not to have to answer to your partnerFreedom not to have to explain yourself or your behaviorFreedom not to have to be anywhere or do anything you don’t want to doFreedom not to have to talk to your mate when you aren’t in the mood to discuss anythingFreedom not to have to make plans or commitmentsFreedom not to feel obligated to take care of your woman’s needs if you don’t feel like itFreedom not to have to deal with your partner’s issuesFreedom not to have to explain why you need so much freedom
I must confess that when I read this list, I feel like saying to men: “You want all of those freedoms? Fine—then go be alone! You can have all the freedom you want by yourself.” All right, so I’m reacting a little dramatically, but isn’t that what this list amounts to—a description of being single? When you’re not in a relationship, you don’t have to answer to anyone or do anything you don’t want to do, or make plans, or deal with another person’s needs. But when you fall in love, you trade some of these “freedoms” for the joy of sharing your life with another human being. It’s the price you pay for the gift of love.This is what perplexes women about men: You want to be with us and love us and have us love you, but you don’t want to feel obligated to do anything that would take away your freedom. My answer to this is that the kind of freedom some men are so terrified of losing is really an illusion, a freedom they never had in the first place.In this same way, the moment you enter into an intimate relationship with another person, you are relinquishing a certain amount of your freedom. From that point on, someone else is going to react to what you say and do, have expectations of you, need things from you, project her issues onto you, and affect you with her moods, energies, personality, and desires. That’s what a relationship is—letting yourself be affected by someone else.True freedom in a relationship is not about what you get to do or not do now that you’re with someone else— it’s being free to love without fear, to receive without resistance, and to give without holding back.What happens when men believe Myth?Men use this myth as an excuse to avoid making a commitment.”Sure, I’d love to have a steady girlfriend, but I’m not the type of guy who can give up my freedom, know what I mean?”"When I realized Sue wanted to get married, I broke off the relationship. She was trying to chain me, and I’m the kind of guy who needs a lot of space and freedom.”In spite of what these men are saying, it’s not losing their freedom that they’re afraid of—it’s making a commitment to an intimate relationship. Committing to love another person is scary. You open yourself up to being hurt, to being rejected, to the possibility of loss. For some men, the fear of this kind of pain is so strong that they avoid getting too close or making a commitment to a woman. However, they’re not about to say, “Look, I’m terrified of commitment, so I can’t open my heart to you,” or “My last girlfriend cheated on me, and I’m too scared to trust love again.” These sentiments would make them appear weak and not in control—and this wouldn’t be very manly! Instead, they use Myth #7 as an excuse: “I’d love to be with a woman if I could find one who wouldn’t try to take away my freedom,” they insist. In other words, the reason they aren’t in a committed relationship is because all the women they meet are too demanding and controlling.The problem with a man who stereotypes a woman as wanting to rob him of his freedom is that he’ll overreact to even her slightest attempt to create closeness, and miss the very love that could heal his heart of the pain that caused it to close down in the first place.The Truth About MythWomen aren’t trying to rob men of anything. On the contrary, we’re trying to give you something—our love, our devotion, our loyalty. All of our efforts to communicate with you, spend time with you, be intimate with you, and work things out with you are not attempts to take away your freedom, but to create the best relationship possible.*44\289\2*

ENDOMETRIOSIS UP CLOSE: COULD YOU HAVE IT?

admin — Fri, 08 May 2009 14:44:54 +0000

Endometriosis is inextricably linked to the simplest female biological function: menstruation. Every month, if there is no conception, endometrial cells lining the uterus slough off and exit the

body as menstrual blood. (See illustration.) When endometriosis takes hold, it is because of an abnormal “backing up” of these cells through the fallopian tubes. They “run wild,” and under certain conditions they will implant themselves on abdominal organs. If the implants stick, they can cause extreme pain. As they grow, spread, and go undetected and untreated, they can cause, among other problems, cysts, tumors, and irreversible sterility.

This is a disease that is somewhat shrouded in mystery. No one yet knows its absolute cause or why it claims the victims it does. It is also a disease that can go undetected or misdiagnosed. Endometriosis tends to show itself first as severe menstrual cramps. Often, as a result of the growing implanted endometrial cells, it may form into ovarian tumors or cause symptoms that masquerade as a bladder infection. This is just the beginning.

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EXPLAINING ENDOMETRIOSIS: TREATMENTS TO HELP MANAGE PAIN

admin — Fri, 08 May 2009 08:56:20 +0000

The use of analgesics alone often has a limited role in the relief of pain due to endometriosis. They may not be able to completely alleviate your pain and you should not use them continuously even if your pain is chronic and ongoing. You may therefore have to explore a range of options in order to manage your pain. To give you some insight as to the variety of treatments available, we have compiled a brief overview of some of those that people have found useful in helping them to manage their chronic pain.

Heat

You will probably have already discovered that heat brings some relief to menstrual pain. The faithful hot water bottle placed on the affected area can diminish your menstrual pain significantly. Other forms of heat relief include electric blankets or heating pads, a hot shower, bath, spa or sauna. The heat works directly on the nerves that transmit the pain and it also relaxes tense muscles

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HOW DOES ENDOMETRIOSIS DEVELOP: BLOOD AND LYMPH TRANSPORTATION THEORY, ACCIDENTAL TRANSPLANTATION THEORY AND METAPLASTIC THEORY

admin — Fri, 08 May 2009 08:48:10 +0000

Sampson’s theory of retrograde menstruation probably explains most of the cases of endometriosis where the implants are located in the pelvic cavity. However, it does not explain some of the rare cases where the implants are located in sites that are some distance from the pelvic cavity — for example, when the endometrial implants are located in the lungs, thighs or arms. In these circumstances it would appear, that living fragments of endometrium somehow enter the veins or the lymph vessels and are transported around the body to another location where they implant in the surrounding tissue.

Accidental transplantation theory-In this situation, the endometrial fragments are transferred from the uterus to the new site during gynaecological surgery or the delivery of a baby. The fragments of endometrium become lodged in the muscle or tissue at the site of the surgical

cut — such as in a caesarian or an episiotomy — where they implant. This theory explains the occurrence of endometriosis in surgical and episiotomy scars. Fortunately, this is not common.

Metaplastic theory-The last theory is known as the metaplastic theory. According to this theory, women may have dormant cells in their pelvic cavities which have the ability to be transformed into endometrial cells in certain circumstances, such as when there is repeated irritation of the lining of the pelvic cavity. This irritation may be due to the presence of menstrual blood, infections or the hormones in the body.

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UNWANTED PREGNANCY: NATURAL METHODS

admin — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 07:13:09 +0000

Calendar method

Using the onset of bleeding as day 1 and the day prior to the onset of bleeding as the last day of the cycle, map out your cycles for eight months. Find the longest and shortest and work out the times of ovulation in both cycles. This occurs fourteen days before the first day of bleeding in any one cycle. So if your cycle is 28-32 days long you will ovulate at some point on days 14-18 in any one month. Allow four days either side for safety. This means (continuing the example-the days will differ for different individuals) that you are unsafe from day 10 to day 21 in any month. Outside this time span you are probably safe.

Advantages

• Costs nothing.

• Gets around religious prohibitions on using ‘artificial’ methods of birth control.

• No medical side-effects.

• Makes couples more aware of the woman’s reproductive cycle and the functioning of her body.

• Leads to couples finding alternatives to penis-in-vagina sex.

Disadvantages

• Very unreliable.

• Needs constant checking of cycle lengths to be sure that they are not changing.

• Rules out penis-in-vagina sex for twelve days a month unless you are absolutely regular. Couples who don’t like making love during the woman’s period will add at least four days during menstruation to this, making half the month either unsafe or unsuitable.

• Constant worry about timing can be unpleasant for both partners and probably leads to less sex overall.

Sympto-thermal method

A method which combines the taking of the woman’s daily body temperature and an awareness of the state of her fertility cycle through charting her cervical mucus condition. The method is complicated to do well and needs practice. In principle it works as follows:

When the cervical mucus is relatively thick and cloudy in the early days of a cycle it may be safe to have sex unless your cycle is very short.

As the mucus becomes slippery, thin and clear, ovulation is about to occur. As soon as the mucus appears to stop being thick and cloudy stop having unprotected sex. Avoid intercourse until three full days after the ‘peak’ of slippery mucus. Obviously, this takes some experience at judging.

The safest time for sex using this method is from the fourth day after the peak slippery mucus day until the first day of a period.

Advantages

• Costs nothing.

• Good for religious groups for whom contraception is prohibited.

• No medical side-effects.

• Makes a woman (and her partner) much more aware of her reproductive cycle and the functioning of her body.

• Encourages the use of methods of love-making other than penis-in-vagina intercourse.

Disadvantages

• Unsafe. Studies have shown that in the best hands the reliability can be near to that of the diaphragm but this can only be achieved by restricting sex to a relatively few days of the month.

• As with the calendar method, travel, illness, drugs, stress infections and so on can all affect cycle length and so throw off the calculations. Women with irregular cycles find such methods tricky too.

• As with the calendar method, many days every month are unsafe, and others may be regarded as unsuitable because of menstruation. This can suit the couple with a low sex drive very well but for others it means using alternative methods of love-making, many or all of which are unacceptable to some.

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